I’ve faced—often debilitating—depression for most of my life.
My first salve for it, long before I had the vocabulary to even know what the word “depression” meant, was marijuana, which quickly transitioned into a psychological addiction. One that persisted most of my adult life.
However, because I concealed and avoided my depression, instead of sitting with and learning from it, it inevitably crept into all aspects of my life and eroded everything it touched. This was especially true for my romantic relationship, but also for other foundational relationships with my children, family, friends, and colleagues.
The pressure slowly built over the decades until November 2023, when almost every pillar in my life crumbled at once. In the span of 10 months, I:
Separated, and eventually divorced, from a 30-year relationship
Moved 45 minutes from my two children
Watched my mother-in-law pass from cancer
Unexpectedly entered a new relationship (for which I was psychologically unprepared)
Lost not only my job, but also a copywriting career I’d spent 20 years building
Reentered a decimated job market, forcing me to reframe employment prospects from the bottom-up
Lost my apartment, and temporarily moved back in with my ex
Exited the new relationship in a very traumatic way
Became suicidal and admitted myself to a behavioral center for inpatient treatment
While I barely hung on throughout much of this period, the “stripping away” of everything I thought defined me also provided an opportunity for my greatest period of growth (one I’m still very much in the midst of).
It revealed to me the necessity of pausing, breathing, facing (and embracing) my emotions, asking what they wanted to show me, thanking them for their wisdom, and then compassionately releasing my clinging to them. Through it, I gained the insight to view my emotions not as enemies to avoid, but as trusted teachers that I can rely on to reveal truth and wisdom.
In this hour-long conversation, Jaime and I discuss how monumental shifts like these reshape our identity, transforming us from who we were into who we’re becoming. We talk about mindfully accepting these transitions not as punishments for past misdeeds, but as opportunities to move into the future with greater clarity and authenticity.
If you also find yourself amidst a life upheaval, I believe there’s a lot in our discussion that can help you consciously navigate your new—and perhaps still unfolding—reality.
But the conversation doesn’t have to stop here. If you have questions about your specific situation and how mindfulness can help you navigate the healing process, please know that I’m just a direct message away.
Here’s to your next chapter,
Derek
