Why Losing Friends During Personal Growth Is Actually a Good Thing

How to reframe 4 common myths about your newfound authenticity

I recently visited my old hometown.

A couple of childhood friends hadn’t met this authentic version of Derek, and—despite remaining close for decades—it became apparent that our boundaries were misaligned.

And I spoke up about it.

My words and actions felt right in the moment. However, once I returned home, I deeply wrestled with the fact that these friendships would never be the same, and the resultant sadness, regret, and emptiness it left behind.

But instead of allowing my grief to pull me under or causing me to lash out, I leaned into it, asked what it wanted to teach me, and then released my clinging to it.

Here was its lesson: People naturally drift away as you evolve. Instead of diminishing your worth, though, this separation only confirms your growth.

Therefore, this is a time for gratitude, not for wallowing in grief by clinging to what was. How can you mindfully accomplish the same?

These five-minute methods quickly reframe your pain about fading relationships, and sustain gratitude for all the new connections awaiting you just over the horizon:

4 Common Myths About Authenticity & How to Break Free

Myth #1: Living authentically means permanent isolation.

Please recognize that your loneliness isn’t going to last forever.

Sure, your social circle might initially shrink. However, you’ll soon attract relationships that resonate with your authenticity.

Truth practice: Isolation

Pause for five minutes.

Start by taking three deep breaths. Inhale through your nose and exhale through your mouth. Imagine pure, white light entering your body with each inhale and dark, heavy air exiting with each exhale.

Once you’re settled, mindfully observe your feeling of isolation without judgment.

Notice how it arrives in waves instead of remaining constant. Open yourself to the peaks, fully feeling their intensity. Lean into the valleys; when they’re at their weakest, notice which feelings and sensations emerge in its absence.

These are potent reminders that your feeling of isolation is temporary, and it’s an invitation for exploration rather than grief.

Myth #2: Everyone will reject your authentic self.

Sure, some of your relationships might fade away as you behave authentically.

However, this won’t be universal. Instead of rejection, you’ll find new relationships that blossom in their place, like seedlings breaking through the soil.

Sit comfortably inside the unknown and trust the process.

Truth practice: Rejection

Take three deep breaths as instructed above, settle into yourself, and return your breathing to normal.

Now, recall someone who responded positively to your authentic self. Pay attention to the pleasant sensations this creates in your body, such as warmth, relaxation, and a sense of belonging.

Visualize these sensations transforming into a lighthouse. Imagine its light beaming rays of positivity far into the distance, regardless of which ships pass throughout the night.

Silently repeat: "My authenticity attracts compatible connections."

Myth #3: Loneliness means you're doing something wrong.

Relationships, especially deeply rooted ones, are foundational sources of emotional support.

Therefore, when faced with the negative emotions caused by fading relationships, it’s tempting to panic, believe that you’ve done something wrong, and revert to old behaviors in an attempt to salvage the connection.

Recognize this as a necessary transitional state, not an indication there’s anything for you to correct.

Truth practice: Error

Take three deep breaths, settle into yourself, and return your breathing to normal.

Place one hand over your heart and the other over your abdomen and bring forth your feeling of loneliness.

With each in-breath, immerse yourself in your loneliness without labeling it a mistake. With each out-breath, release the urge to fix anything or return to old patterns.

When repeated, this gives you space to identify your discomfort as a natural side effect of growth rather than evidence of wrongdoing.

Myth #4: Worth comes from others' validation.

If you cling to expectations that old relationships will eventually understand and appreciate your new authenticity, you relinquish your present-moment happiness to future unknowns far outside your control.

Instead, the primary rewards of authenticity—internal coherence, reduced cognitive dissonance, and alignment between your values and actions—exist regardless of external validation.

Truth practice: Validation

Take three deep breaths, settle into yourself, and return your breathing to normal.

Next, imagine yourself living authentically, whatever that means for you.

Notice the subtle sensations that arise, such as better alignment, increased ease, improved relaxation, and greater internal harmony. Sit with these truths for as long as you need.

As your previous relationships depart and new ones arrive, regularly check in with this wisdom to ensure you don’t unconsciously fall back on old behaviors that no longer serve your authenticity.

Growing Through What You’re Going Through

Yes, watching longstanding relationships dissolve is painful.

However, these five-minute reframes can help you:

• Acknowledge this pain instead of avoiding it

• Shift your perspective from one of abandonment to alignment

• Create conscious closure without assigning blame

• Establish sufficient space for attracting deeper connections that match your new energy

While this phase can be lonely, your newfound authenticity can also electrify you and provide a renewed sense of aliveness.

This electricity is your North Star; your body’s way of letting you know that you’re walking the right path.

With each step, continue shining your light as a beacon to others.

Soon, you’ll align with new, more authentic connections—people who appreciate the real you, not the unhealthy behaviors you've always exhibited to please others.