5 Truths About Thriving with Depression

You can live a vibrant, fulfilling life—even with mental health challenges.

After decades, I’ve finally reached an equilibrium with my depression.

However, I made thousands of mistakes and experienced dozens of significant failures along the way.

If you’re also struggling, take it from me: save yourself years of suffering and help yourself achieve balance faster by sticking to these five truths.

1. Seek help. Early.

I knew something wasn’t right in my head for years. But in retrospect, I was terrified of what I’d encounter if I peeked beneath the surface.

As a result, instead of moving forward, I remained trapped in a feedback loop of depressive frustration and anger. I hated these emotions, but they were comfortable and familiar. Like a toxic blanket, they cradled me and my ego.

But when these emotions boiled over—and they always did, I dragged my family into cyclones of confusion, hurt, and instability. After they passed, I’d apologize profusely before retreating into my shell and avoiding everyone for a few days.

Rinse and repeat. Which is why my sorries rang hollow.

I mean, if I refused to do anything about the situations I caused, was I sincerely apologetic? Even today—after facing my emotions, putting in the work, and learning the tools to safeguard against my depression running the show again—I remain unsure.

However, I can unequivocally tell you this: As soon as you (or your loved ones) recognize that you’re struggling, give yourself the gift of professional help. You’ll probably be terrified, unsure where to start looking, what to say to others, or a million other inconsequential factors.

But it’s time to face yourself. Now.

Delaying will only cause you—and those you cherish—more pain.

2. Apply what you learn.

I adore reading nonfiction, especially books about mindfulness and the psyche.

However, for many years, my process looked something like this:

• Enthralling myself with the book’s possibilities

• Reading through it quickly

• Balking at having to implement any of its guidance

• Shifting my attention to the next book’s possibilities

I even used this process when I started therapy. I was convinced that I just needed to show up, download the information, progressively feel better, and move on with my life.

However, once I better understood how healing actually works, I recognized I was addicted to learning about my behavioral concerns, but not putting in the work to overcome them.

The bottom line is that only you can heal yourself.

We can kick and scream about this reality all we want, but we cannot be a passive participant in our revival. You have to stop running, face your emotions, explore different strategies to learn from them, figure out what works (and, more importantly, what doesn’t), and maintain rigid consistency.

Never take a day off from using what you learn. Ever.

3. Remember: Growth isn’t linear.

A little over a year ago, my ex and I split.

I moved into a new place in a nearby city, and after a few months, I was getting back into the groove, achieving some great insights with the help of therapy, enjoying lots of outdoor time and physical activity, and rebuilding a nice little life for myself. I even entered an unexpected relationship.

Then, I lost my job. And my apartment. And the relationship. It all happened so quickly that I was left standing alone in disbelief. As a result, my mental health plummeted.

Since then, following months of professional guidance through an extraordinary intensive outpatient program, I’ve regained a lot of equilibrium. I also have a whole arsenal of powerful psychological tools I can use when faced with future emotional imbalances.

Granted, I’m not saying you need to experience anything near this level of chaos. My only point is that healing and growth aren’t a straight line.

Once you decide to embark on your mental health journey, you will experience periods of profound progress and perhaps times of heartbreaking setbacks.

But once you’ve learned the necessary emotional tools and forged versions of your own, you will have everything you need to weather these ups and downs.

It’s all about small efforts, repeated daily, even when it feels like you’re not moving the needle.

You are, though, I promise.

4. Cultivate self-compassion.

The Mindful Self-Compassion Workbook sat on my bookshelf for years.

Every time I saw it staring at me, I’d think: “I have to talk nice to myself? Embrace my imperfections? Make myself feel safe and protected? What kind of hippie bullshit is this?”

Then, one day, I was in the midst of a particularly dark depressive episode. It was pitch black inside my mind, and none of my usual tools were working. I was desperate for even a glimmer of light, so I walked to the bathroom, looked myself in the mirror, and said out loud, tears streaming down my face:

“Derek, you’re having a hard day. It’s ok. I know it’s bad right now, but you’ve been through this hundreds of times. Your light will reemerge. In the meantime, don’t run from this. The only way out is through. You’re strong. You got this.”

And a funny thing happened once I got past the cringe: I felt a little better. The crushing depression remained, but I’d planted a tiny seed of hope. And that seed was exactly what I needed to give myself some grace.

Granted, self-compassion isn’t a cure-all, and I often struggle with it. However, I can tell you firsthand that it creates fertile ground for any seeds you plant to grow strong and tall.

And as you emerge from depression’s grip, those tiny differences can have huge impacts on not just your success but also how you feel while getting there.

5. Breathe.

“Breathing in, I calm body and mind. Breathing out, I smile. Dwelling in the present moment, I know this is the only moment.” – Thich Nhat Hanh

Several years ago, my previous psychiatrist prescribed a new medication whose main side effect was severe restless leg syndrome. Until then, I’d assumed it was just another made-up diagnosis for Pharma companies to sell more meds. But let me tell you, it’s very real.

In the middle of sleep, I’d feel an electric current zap through my body. I’d sit straight up and gasp for air, feeling like I was bound tightly inside my own body. This would cause me to jump out of bed and pace furiously around the room.

The inescapable claustrophobia was terrifying, and the only way I was able to maintain my sanity was to count my breaths while also focusing on the sensation of air entering and leaving my nostrils.

But mindful breathing isn’t just useful for extreme duress. Grounding yourself in the present moment also helps increase self-awareness, reduce stress and anxiety, and enhance mood. And with regular practice, you can also balance minor emotions that can eventually send you on a trajectory toward a major spiral.

The reality is that everything you do begins with breathing—including your path toward thriving with depression.

This is what I’ve learned. Tell me about your experience! Are there any truths for thriving with depression that you’d add to this list?