Point #2 reminds me of this line from "No Bad Parts," by Richard Schwartz, Ph.D.
"Every part of our personality that we do not love will become hostile to us."
The world we grew up in seems to tell us that we just need to upgrade with new information or hardware. Then we'll be happy. But happiness is never found "over there."
Yes, I realize the irony of sharing a book quote considering this point, but I wouldn't argue that all knowledge (read: skills) is worthless. There's simply a limit to what they can do for us on the happiness front. Call it contentment or satisfaction if you prefer.
The wise work is internal. It's learning to tolerate all of our parts of self in the hope that we can learn to love them in time.
Thanks so much, Damon! That's a beautiful quote. I'll check out Richard's book.
"The world we grew up in seems to tell us that we just need to upgrade with new information or hardware." This has certainly been my lived experience, and it's a deeply-ingrained belief I'm still in the process of breaking. I'm not sure I've heard it stated in such a succinct, powerful way.
"I wouldn't argue that all knowledge (read: skills) is worthless." I wholeheartedly agree, and hope my words don't insinuate otherwise. I've learned that knowledge/skills are fun to accumulate, but they only become effective tools when we put in the hard work to clumsily (at first) apply them to our life.
"It's learning to tolerate all of our parts of self in the hope that we can learn to love them in time." It's certainly an intense, step-by-step process, and there are no shortcuts!
Thanks so much, Ryan! I'm very much the same when it comes to "failing." It's so easy to focus on the momentary backward movement that it overshadows all of my previous progress. For me at least, self-compassion is the thread that helps me tie together backward and forward movement into a cohesive whole.
"It’s like a surfer talking about how he rides the waves. I don’t want to hear about how he performs these acts, I want to see them with my own two eyes." This is such a great analogy!
"I also had a compulsion to read more books because I was under the illusion that there was a specific book that would hold the keys, that would provide the answers to the questions I had." Oh, I feel this deeply. And the frustration that comes with cycles of hope for what could be, and disappointment with what inevitably isn't. We have to put in the work to become better surfers.
So much of this resonates with me. Thank you for sharing your experiences and insights 🙏
Thank YOU, Darcy!
Point #2 reminds me of this line from "No Bad Parts," by Richard Schwartz, Ph.D.
"Every part of our personality that we do not love will become hostile to us."
The world we grew up in seems to tell us that we just need to upgrade with new information or hardware. Then we'll be happy. But happiness is never found "over there."
Yes, I realize the irony of sharing a book quote considering this point, but I wouldn't argue that all knowledge (read: skills) is worthless. There's simply a limit to what they can do for us on the happiness front. Call it contentment or satisfaction if you prefer.
The wise work is internal. It's learning to tolerate all of our parts of self in the hope that we can learn to love them in time.
This can be harrrrd to do.
Thanks so much, Damon! That's a beautiful quote. I'll check out Richard's book.
"The world we grew up in seems to tell us that we just need to upgrade with new information or hardware." This has certainly been my lived experience, and it's a deeply-ingrained belief I'm still in the process of breaking. I'm not sure I've heard it stated in such a succinct, powerful way.
"I wouldn't argue that all knowledge (read: skills) is worthless." I wholeheartedly agree, and hope my words don't insinuate otherwise. I've learned that knowledge/skills are fun to accumulate, but they only become effective tools when we put in the hard work to clumsily (at first) apply them to our life.
"It's learning to tolerate all of our parts of self in the hope that we can learn to love them in time." It's certainly an intense, step-by-step process, and there are no shortcuts!
Thanks so much, Ryan! I'm very much the same when it comes to "failing." It's so easy to focus on the momentary backward movement that it overshadows all of my previous progress. For me at least, self-compassion is the thread that helps me tie together backward and forward movement into a cohesive whole.
"It’s like a surfer talking about how he rides the waves. I don’t want to hear about how he performs these acts, I want to see them with my own two eyes." This is such a great analogy!
"I also had a compulsion to read more books because I was under the illusion that there was a specific book that would hold the keys, that would provide the answers to the questions I had." Oh, I feel this deeply. And the frustration that comes with cycles of hope for what could be, and disappointment with what inevitably isn't. We have to put in the work to become better surfers.