Shattered: Life 2.0

My mid-life awakening, thanks to mindfulness and ketamine.

Depression has stolen a lot over the decades.

Time with my loved ones. Memories with my children. A 22-year marriage.

Compassion. Identity. Joy.

And in November 2023, it almost took my life.

I planned to buy a large-caliber handgun from the nearest big box store, stuff a backpack with a few necessities, leave my phone and other belongings behind, and take public transportation into the foothills. I’d hike deep into the forest, locate a suitable resting place, pin a note on my shirt apologizing to anyone who found my body, put the barrel in my mouth, and pull the trigger.

Having hurt so many, I sought to leave as little trace of my exit as possible. Hopefully, my atoms would quietly fade into the ether; my name soon syllables on the wind.

The farewell letters to my children and partner were typed. I simply had to put the plan into action.

During what I thought would be my final counseling session, my therapist encouraged me to reach out to a local physician-led clinic about ketamine therapy—and it has transformed my life in ways previously unimaginable.

I continue seeking the appropriate words, but physically, ketamine helped me reach my head above the fog of depression and experience life’s beauty, as I imagine most “normal” people might take for granted.

Mentally, by putting in the work and mindfully processing these experiences with my therapist, ketamine’s lens also equipped me with powerful emotional tools that continue allowing me to remain above the “darkness” when it inevitably creeps around my psyche.

So profound has been ketamine’s impact that after writing professionally for 15 years, I decided to return to school, earn my credentials, and eventually work as a psychedelic therapist. Thankfully, I live in a state with a progressive outlook on nontraditional therapies and am eager to enter the field.

In the meantime—and for the first time—I am awake. What depression took, a combination of mindfulness and ketamine have returned tenfold.

Perspective. Remembrance. Hope.

My purpose here is to share that boundlessness. And to help as many people as possible master practical tools and lasting habits for reducing stress and anxiety, maintaining emotional harmony, and navigating the world with ease.

I see you. Welcome, and let’s journey together.

Derek